A Near Death experience

Hi everyone. Its 1:00 and I need a break from Augustine. I heard that one of the declamations will be describing a near Death experience so this is what i came up with. Also this story is now nearly three years old so I'm comfortable telling it.

My life has never been near death. My self inflicted bb gun wounds and automobile destructions have not brought me an inch closer to six feet under. That does not mean however that my life has not been threatened. As a matter of fact I have had a death threat leveled against me. In my fifteenth year, my 6’5” 290 lb frame was threatened by a little fruit in a scarf. Two friends of mine, for our purposes we shall call them Dumb and Dumber, arranged a wager. As the aforementioned fruit walked past, Dumb said to Dumber, “I’ll give you a dollar if you ask that guy if he’s gay”. Dumber obliged. That’s why he gets to be Dumber. The relatively calm fruit said “no he was not” and Dumber returned to the table. I felt called to go and apologize. I answered the call. Bad call. Something in my apology must have legitimized my friends question, for that aforementioned fruit exploded in a torrent of scarf laden metrosexual anger. His 5’6” feathered haired head was reaching past me yelling that he had an f…..g gun, and that he was going to f…..g kill us. (Dumb, dumber and I later decided that his gun was most likely pink and fuzzy.) Fortunately his girlfriend arrived, which as I’m sure you can all guess made things much better. Now Ryan Scarfcrest and his girlfriend who at least had the IQ of celery, are yelling through my chest at the guys and girls behind me. And as quickly as it began it was over. They suddenly walked out the door and the bescarfed harbinger of f…..g death and his blond harpy were never seen again.