A Near Death experience

Hi everyone. Its 1:00 and I need a break from Augustine. I heard that one of the declamations will be describing a near Death experience so this is what i came up with. Also this story is now nearly three years old so I'm comfortable telling it.

My life has never been near death. My self inflicted bb gun wounds and automobile destructions have not brought me an inch closer to six feet under. That does not mean however that my life has not been threatened. As a matter of fact I have had a death threat leveled against me. In my fifteenth year, my 6’5” 290 lb frame was threatened by a little fruit in a scarf. Two friends of mine, for our purposes we shall call them Dumb and Dumber, arranged a wager. As the aforementioned fruit walked past, Dumb said to Dumber, “I’ll give you a dollar if you ask that guy if he’s gay”. Dumber obliged. That’s why he gets to be Dumber. The relatively calm fruit said “no he was not” and Dumber returned to the table. I felt called to go and apologize. I answered the call. Bad call. Something in my apology must have legitimized my friends question, for that aforementioned fruit exploded in a torrent of scarf laden metrosexual anger. His 5’6” feathered haired head was reaching past me yelling that he had an f…..g gun, and that he was going to f…..g kill us. (Dumb, dumber and I later decided that his gun was most likely pink and fuzzy.) Fortunately his girlfriend arrived, which as I’m sure you can all guess made things much better. Now Ryan Scarfcrest and his girlfriend who at least had the IQ of celery, are yelling through my chest at the guys and girls behind me. And as quickly as it began it was over. They suddenly walked out the door and the bescarfed harbinger of f…..g death and his blond harpy were never seen again.

I thought they said chapters not sections!

I'm Back

Have you ever been faced with a situation so overwhelming that you simply couldn't handle it? Yeah, I haven't either. I'v spent the last two weeks driving accross country with my dad, and working like mad to get construction finished on my house. I've learned an aweful lot in the past two weeks. You shouldn't drink a lot of coffee if your trying to stay on the road for as long as possible. If you're going to get a flat tire, the best place to do it is in Austin, Minnesota so you can go to the spam museum while your getting it fixed. I learned that sometime you can learn more about your family in an intensely stressful week than you could in nearly eighteen years of normalcy. I learned how to scrape the paint off of hardwood. and vynil. and lynnoleum. and plaster. Mostly i learned that, in a very hyumble way, there is nothing I can't handle. When I am at my tiredest, when my defences are down, when i'm weak, God fills that void, more than my own strength ever could. I can spend all morning hauling pianos and book shelves, and somehow when evening comes and i feel like i have nothing left, God gives me the strength to handle the pipes bursting beneath the sink. With the two weeks I've had school shoulod be easy, and all the trials and triumphs that I've had leave me with one realization. I can do alol things through christ who strengthens me.

T